//hearing aid: stay on the road - corrinne may

Hearts are made to be broken

i'm sorry i can't do this anymore

so the new year came and went. probably not too profitable this year because we aren't really celebrating after ahma's death. and u. tommy too.

the new year started with goodbyes and a little sadness. brandon and his family left for home (read: Washington, California and Arizona. they are a complicated family) and me and the family at the airport.

i got a few angbaos here and there. so i'm satisfied.
as usual, we met at the aunt's place. off to the temple to pay our respects to ahma. i miss her so much. it's still settling in that she's gone. as i walked into my aunt's place, right infront of the door was the brown chair she use to sit in every single day, every single time we saw her, every single new year.

she never went visiting with us since 11 years ago. yet she made it a point to physically wrap our angpows and attempt to stand up to give it us. mind you, this is a woman who can't even comb her own hair.
of course we always get to her before we get to time.

there was this one year though, i remember she just got discharged from the hospital and we were going over to the house to meet her for new year. but to our utter suprise and disbelief, she was clinging on to the door with my aunt holding her tightly. There were tears down her cheeks and my aunts.

she just said, gong hei fatt choi.
and my aunt said that my ahma wanted to be at the door to welcome us.
it was the last new year we had together.

anyway, after the temple, it was good food at carlton hotel. and we feasted. i have to bring someone there one day.
off to shaun's place where i made 62 bucks from in-between. i must play it with you guys one day. most lucrative game to date.
we had my grandma's famous mee siam, which she taught me how to make. i am going to go nuts now with the mee siam. oh yes, she made her beef and potatoe stew, her beef curry and teriyaki chicken (which the sauce she made from scratch). ah. i was so gone by the end of the night.

still i made it to meet my gang for late night drinks and fags. we had fun and it helped that we were all loaded. met amelia, this pretty cute girl. demure demure she is.

back to rus's place to chill for a bit after sending nick home. congrats on the new catch nick. ha. then we almost KILLED kenneth. haha. you had to be there. homeward.

this morning, i was greeted by the famour five:


samuel - "if i was a superhero, i will beat superman's backside ok."


vera - [in her korean costume] "HAPPY KOREAN NEW YEAR!"


matthew - [after giving him gummy bears] "Will you be my girl friend?"


karis - part one


reina - part two.

i like kids. think i might have them after all.
but i'll buy ALOT of ducktape.

//hearing aid: you only live once - the strokes

some people always think they're right

it was night. i woke up and there it was. a huge carousel. it was yellow, with intricate brown carvings. bright lights shone from around it that blurred whatever was beyond the carousel.

i stood there with a strong sea breeze blowing and a hint of salt in the air. my hair danced across my face and matted against my wet cheeks. i was crying but i didn't know why. i was scared but i didn't know why. there was crowds of people standing around looking at the carousel. everyone was pointing at it in awe, saying it's probably the prettiest, highest carousel they had ever laid their eyes upon.

i realised i was in a blue dress, my hair was long and straight. i was probably 10 or so. i had a bracelet on my right hand and a scar on my left. it was red with a slight bruise, almost fresh. i winced as i touched it, i could almost feel the pain.

as i continued to look at the carousel, it started spinning. people started walking toward it, it was alluring. i stood firmly planted to the ground, breathing heavily. tears were falling down my cheek and onto my blue dress. i looked down and noticed spots on my dress where the tears had soaked.

i didn't know what i was crying for.

the next thing i knew, i was in one of the cabins on the carousel. it was swinging in the wind. i looked into the night sky and a drop of rain fell on my face. i wasn't crying anymore but my face was still wet from the rain.

char was sitting next to me and she was singing a sad song. it was a sad tune at least. she was wearing lilacs in her hair and a white dress. she too was 10 and it's odd because i don't even know how she looked like when she was 10. her hands swinging wildly in the air. the rain starts getting heavier.

i sit in the cabin and look down. there between my feet, a few stories below me, he stood there.
he looked old and like himself. like he was 19. he's arms stretched out toward me. he said come here, i want you to come to me.

i hopped off the cabin and char just stared at me. i ran into his arms and he lifted me off the ground and hugged me. like a father to his little girl. after a while, i realised, i wasn't the little girl anymore. i was staring right at her.

a dream like this should make a storybook.

//hearing aid: tisbury lane - mae

Does anyone knock when they barge in to beat her down

yes. i lost $70. it escaped right under my cheapskate eyes.
i am more disappointed then sad or angry.
just sucks that i worked for two weeks for that pay
and whoosh. it is gone.

met brandon after yassin that night.
it was a simple kind of wonderful.

he bought cranberry vodka for me and a whisky for himself.
we sat at the bottom of my block.
i tried, i really did.
i tried to tell myself.
but
it just didn't happen.

so the night came and left. i complained i was a little hungry and he complained i complained too much.
so off we went to ang mo kio to eat chicken wings. in the morning, with an 11am class tomorrow way at the back of my head, we sat at a anghoon smelling, amazing tasting lime bbq chicken wings i had.
maybe because there was a slight taste of comfort.

we talked and ranted about life, the 3 tenors, berkley, porsche, under-arm girl, all the love letters.
i should have put my guard down.
so i sat there, rummaging through the mountain of chicken wings.
at 4am there was an inkling that maybe i should go home.

so we left for home and as he was sitting at the driver seat, it occured to me how old he looked. his face was tired and rough. i asked him if he had been putting the seaweed moisturiser i gave him last xmas.

he shook his head and sighed.
it makes me think of all the poor seaweed that were compressed into mush for my skin. and you

i ignored that. and went on bobbing to the tunes of bob marley's (pun intended) no women no cry.
by the time we reached home, it was almost 430am.
he said, that was awesome, we must do it again.

i just said maybe.

//hearing aid: for your babies - simply red

i don't believe in many things but in you, i do
one vodka cranberry.

our conversation went something like this.

me talks to my friends
he goes kan ni cheebai
we turn to stare.
he goes kan ni cheebai
we shush him
he goes kan ni cheebai
we talk above his voice
he goes kan ni cheebai!

that was all he said. kan ni cheebai
the old man with a panty on the bus.

-

my other conversation went like this.

me: so singapore?
him: yeah soon.
when?
soon soon.
soon like next month?
sooner. (he laughs his liar laugh)
you have to be joking. soon like next week?
nope.
soon like tomorrow?
soon like today.
ohmygodbrandonblackenshipiwillkillyounow!
you can, i'm standing right outside your door.

everyone meet bran who is in town. that's one more thing to toast to.
then he reminds me he's leaving in 5 days. and won't be back till june. (really this time it's for real, he adds)

he sang for your babies. i think i'm still a puddle of mush

//hearing aid: angels and devils - dishwalla

I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

saturday was awesome.
instead of going on a normal date like lunch and movies and that normal sort of thing read: boring
me and desmond decided to go to the heritage museum at the old fire station near clarke quay.



it was quite an experience. at first, i was like civil defence. yeah great that would be like the best way to spend a sleepy saturday afternoon. but it turned out quite an experience.






they had all these old retro stuff that would make my grandma feel right at home. ha. but then i learnt quite a bit.
pretty interactive stuff. it got me wanting to go to museums and soak up the atmosphere.


ha don't even start.

then dinner at magic wok. finally the dose of magic.
and then xboxed. i slept for your information.
and then home.
thanks sweetie for a great day.

sunday was quite tiring. it seems there's some tension here and there.
i just wish i knew what was going on.

i decided to leave the tension and hang with gen and kris for a bit.






yay.
off to toy r' us to search for lunchboxes for our little tykes. can u believe me pearl and liz couldn't find a red lunchbox. incredible.
then we decided to go home. i guess it's one of those times.


liz's webbed feet.
when you said you had cold feet
i didn't imagine them that cold.

I just want to know what blurs and what is clear

//hearing aid: save me - corrinne may

save me from this place, heaven knows i'm falling



it was that close.
val and adel would understand

//hearing aid: fly away - corrine may

when will you be home, she asked

the pr firm to hire cut my industry standard pay to peanutal pay.
and i don't mean t.t. durai peanuts, i mean real real edible peanutal pay.

dance was alright, i realised it's really easy because i've done it almost all before.
gen's a great addition to my mundane wednesdays. now it's a mundance wednesday.

there's this guy in class who stares at your boobs when you dance with him. since we rotate partners now, he just BLATANTLY stares at my heaving cleavage. not like glance and a look there, but like 'what-the-fuck-are-you-staring-at-and-why-aren't-you-even-looking-away-when-i-glare-at-you-like-that stare.

really annoying and so i fought fire with fire.
i stared at that fella's crotch the whole time.
i figure if he asked, i would say i was staring at my feet.
or something. i'll make something up.

speaking of making something up, me and gen made up our histories and told a bunch of our dance people a fuge lie.
i am now (in their wandering eyes) a pr officer working for 'Integrated Marketing and Communications Pte Ltd' and gen is bum who is jobless with a biochemical degree.

ha. and they bought it. hook line and sinker.
at least stare glare man got it.
stupid dumbfuck.

even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart.
he might be going to manila. i'm just not sure.

//hearing aid: everglow - mae

here's tonight, and it shines, and goes on and on

oh hello there weight loss.

i finally lulled myself to a gym. over at civil service club. not a bad place, considering that my arms are hurting like someone hit them repeatedly for an hour with sylvester stallone's biceps, i still like the gym.
working out with my brother can be such a good pain in the arms.
suprisingly after 30 mins of cardio, my legs didn't hurt. ha.

this pain is good pain. its shiok pain.

hanging with the cousin was theraputic. and a world of a difference when he was younger.
wallace and gromit was good, as the first time i watched it. i still laughed at least.

and i found out that i love kids but have ZERO tolerance for kicking screaming crying babies.
i nearly stuffed the pacifier into the baby's voice box. or up his diaper which ever will shut the thing up.
it was brawling, kicking screaming and yelling at the top of its tinsy lungs much to the world's dismay.
it was SCARED. everytime gromit came on the screen, it whimpered.
then sobbed.
then mommy would shift it around.
then it was start making weird coocoo noises.

on a good minute, it would stop.
on a bad one, it sounded like the bane of king kong's existance.

i swear, i could have kicked it.
but then at least the mom had the courtesy to get out and go to the back and scoot out when it was making too much noise.
i read jules' post and i agree. sometimes kids just can't shut up.
i suprise she didn't hurl him.

other than that, i pretty mundane day. i made my tuition kid cry.
she lied to me 4 times in 5 mins.
i didn't even raise my voice. all i said is:
"Don't lie to me now, i'm very very disappointed in you."

and she broke.
it was quite funny, i was almost going to grin in satisfaction.
but then she cried and said she was lazy and she deserved an F and yada yada.
and then i just sat there.
i realised, she was using the sympathy card. and i decided to use my get-out-of-tuition card.

"ok, since you did no homework and lied to me, i'm going to go home. there's nothing i can do if you don't do anything. bye bye"

and went home.

her mom apologised and said she'll pay me for coming down today.
i heard her yell from the ground floor. 5 floors up.
it's nice to be right. but now i feel like shit. i hope she didn't die.

our hearts are on the everglow

//hearing aid: toxic - crazy town.

it's toxic

no respect no gratitude no presents no urge no laughter no satisfaction no warmth no spontianitiy no time no money no concern no manners no consideration no sacrifices no more trying no pampering

i wish you would see what i've done for you.
and go through what you make me do.


i feel like a rag doll.
lifeless and old.
plastered smile to hide the stain of time
big eyes to hold the weary tears.
thrown around
stolen from where she was placed
and left.

//hearing aid: beautiful love - the afters

i went back to ij today after 2 years. i felt oddly nostalgic yet unfamiliar. the whole place looked the same but different you know? it was a strange feeling.

me, kris, gen and char wondered around the place lost but we still saw snippets of our past lives. the old steps where i use to have recess at was still there. the staircase where i walked up almost everyday for 3 years was still intact. i couldn't find my old classroom, i got disorientated. here are some pictures for those who couldn't make it.







doesn't this look the same girls?


they saved the best part of the school. the gate which was used during my mom's time.
where they left their babies at for the nuns to take care of.


my cca finally got its rewards after fighting for so long. now we have an air-conditioned drama room and a lit room. but i'm sour. i can't use it. oh well.



the rooftop netball court for the school's pride. we have to beat rgs every year to get extended recess or a day off from school.


the toilet.


the snapshot.

just so the rest will know:

mrs. how-yip is preggies and is due in may
mr. ng's baby girl, Vernice, is due in may
mrs. nicks - who ran 2.4km while 8months preggies - is once again doing that and is due in march.
miss jo-teo pulled my ears the min she saw me.
mrs. alex looks as radiant and motherly as ever.
ms yap looks pretty good.
mrs. jchu is very proud of the open concept bio lab which was a disturbing experience for us.
and

i love my ij
once you wear that blue uniform, its hard to throw it away
i still have mine tucked away, i can't bear to leave it behind.

//hearing aid: give a little respect - wheatus

give a little respect to me

daniel, ashton and russ drunk

daniel just drunk

do i need to say more?

//hearing aid: september - earth wind and fire

dancing in september

school was good only because i left half way. it was a drag to begin with and a drag to end. besides that these are overdue pictures of the drinking session at ashtons with our guest drinker daniel.

one word: wasted.


ashton, russ and daniel.


it started with one drink.


and another.


and another.



and after many many others...





the moral is don't 'ta' red wine folks.

thanks to shaz for a wonderful indian lunch today at little india. it was good food and company.

i know what you're saying russ, where are the videos.

//hearing aid: greatest man of your life - edwin mccain

i'll be better when i'm older

to start off the new year, my mac crashed beyond any computer in the history of crashes.
but that couldn't let my spirits down.

off to ministry of sound to partay! woo. makan session at church first, amazing food and then off to mos. by the time we reached mos, the queue was till the reverse bungee. met a few people around, they were queueing since 630pm. we got tickets so we breezed through.

mos was good but not fantastic. the company was good: matt, seb, russ, nneth, danielle [edit] its a guy [/edit], gen, kris and i ran into my lessy lover val.

i couldn't get ade in which was quite a damper for the rest of the night. apparently, the club couldn't cope with so many people coming in and they overbooked the vip lists. our 'free' entry costs us 30 bucks a piece, and ade was left out. well, at least she was smart and left for another party before the whole rage broke out.
i owe you















mambo nights at zouk no more. its retro at mos. for now
the retro room was amazingly retro. lit up dance floor, disco ball and low air con, it was like dancing with my mom.
the music was pretty good. but it was there that kris got a bit lot wasted so we had to leave soon. and we left.

off to ashtons to count down with taiwan. we talked for a little bit before heading home just before 5am.

happy new year? nah. satisfied new year.

the photos for daniel's drinking session are coming soon.