i met up with kenneth and daniel for a de-stressed.
daniel told us how his helmet and uniform takes away his intelligence
kenneth asked me how life was in pr.

i told him the truth.

i actually cried because of pr today. purely because i couldn't take the stress. it was a good let out, i smoked like mad of course, the motion of the cigarette going in between your lips, you inhale, you terik, then release. pure release of every single fucked up shit.

smoking is theraputic. it's bad for my health, but it helps me relax.

the smoke break was crucial for me today. if i didn't go, i think i would have died.
juan told me to just cry if i needed to. i really wanted to. for once, PR actually made me feel like i cannot do it.

fuck shit.

MoSh pit.

tertiary fling was quite alright. the company was good, and drinks were free so they were good.
though the bum was in danger because the bum was right in the middle of a hip hop impromtu competition.

the bum and owner moved right out of there.

besides that, nothing too drama happened. we were all happy semi-drunk people except for one glen.





after a damn tiring day at lecture, me and that slarte (read: merlynn) decided to give tiffany's birthday surpise a miss and head home.

dinner was in a swamp. we ate at ah lam abalone at race course road.
food was fantastic. cept for the kong ba pao (they call it chinese bun! wtf)
but the place was gross!

we sat next at the back alley.
in front of us was the back entrance of the very seedy nightclub.
there were 23473497 cats in front of it which meant they were infront of us.
there were 23473497 x 34 flies and mosquitos feasting on us
there was a choked drain filled with cigratte buds (only one of which was mine ok) and
it stank.

it was eating in malaysia but twenty times worse. fucking gross.
we ate and ran.

then we stopped by watsons to dig our fingers into every single tester there was.
and discovered the wonderful world of ColorWorkshop (the makeup is dirt cheap.)

and decided to shop at THIS FASHION.
we bought things.
we bought things.

and discovered a side of our neighbourhood we never realised before.
a comic store
a organic coffeeshop
a community centre with digital tv
a play ground.

then she discovered my phone:



disgusting right?

//sometimes, love just ain't enough//

this is why i hate school

PR is like an emotional rollercoaster ride because what ever you think you did pretty well for because you shoved tons of work and sweat and tears and BLOOD in is not up to ANYONE's standards and you feel like a deflated balloon that was let go and landed into a pile of cow crap.

Doc Pro is like a nail stuck at the bottom of your shoe that is too short of poke your foot but still makes a damn hole in your sole. Why? cos you don't know that your tape has some sort of shit happening to it until the last min when you put it into your editor and it screws up. Like the nail, you only realise when a freaking puddle makes your feet like a prune.

Radio Journ is ok for now but i have a feeling it will make me want to shove my head into the console repeatedly and drive the mic up someone's somewhere where the sun don't shine.

Aerospace sucks shit and i can't even explain why because i don't know what the fuck the lecturer is talking about because he assumes ALL OF US ARE ENGINEERING STUDENTS! what the fuck is moltensadjshdkhaiufadsf's rule?!

Massina is making me sweat because i don't know if i'm going to get the research grant. Like PR i think i have a darn spectacular topic but who knows?!

Med law is mildly confusing with the penal code and the defmation but i can't understand i can't understand why all this legal jargon is so damn aristocratical and up-your-arse-ish till the point i cannot understand.

WISP is exciting only because i can watch hotel rwanda next week which means i can vegetate for 2 hours. THEN GOT TO DO PROJECT. fuck.

i hate school.
not in a sec 4 angsty i wanna slit my wrists because my teacher confiscate my handphone kind of way.

but in a real burning hate kind of way.

//the end of dreaming//

you spoil me.

today, a week after the forever 21 incident (ask me), we return to the scene of the crime.

"hey, forever 21 is having a sale." he chirped.

"it's the same sale as the week before lah." i remarked.

"let's go and see if they have new stuff!" he grabs my hand and whisks me in.

of course, i, apalled by his swift actions, was taken aback but quickly recovered when i saw multitudes of things i love. particularly this crinkly green blue dress top that just yelled "adopt me!" everytime i walked past it.

see lah, who ask you to go in to forever 21.

anyway, back to the story:

so we go to earl swensons which by the way is just normal swensons food served on fancier plates. and all these while, this green blue dress top is crying in my head. "why don't you love me?"

"yes i do, yes i do!"

and so, we went for a smoke and still i kept thinking about the damn top. he saw the top dancing sleeve in hand with me in my eyes and said,

"you want right?"

"no la, it's just an infactuation."

"wow, i have never heard you use that word before, that warrants a reward."

yes, yes, yes!


as you can see, that is not the rack of forever 21 but my very old and peeling cupboard
I.E IT'S HOME!

and to top things off he bought me this pair of shoes which i will pay him back for...sometime.



you spoil me. but there's too many buts.

//you are a swaku.//

wisp was so fun la.
we acted out sleeping beauty much to kenneth's dismay.

but after the presentations, it became s-l-o-w.

so i began observing people:


how she is so oblivious to me snapping away.


and the friendly orangutan at the corner of the class.

hah.

then vivo city with calvin for a while before meeting shaun for dinner.
he bought me a top to cheer me up.
all hail the secondary school teacher.

then it happened.

//never looked good in blue//

heart, we will forget him, you and i, tonight!
you must forget the warmth he gave,
and i will forget the light.

emily dickinson

dear mr. so&so,

it's been a month since we left.
and today, i thought about it. for the first time i sat back and thought about everything that happened in the past month. how the use-to-be crying every night when you were together came to a halt the minute we spilt.

it was the best thing that ever happened.

it's sick to know that i loved you so much to the point that i was willing to do anything to have you back.
but i'm over that now.
i've been over that for the past few weeks. to be honest, the time spent without you was more liberating then times spent with you put together. i'm clear-minded, i'm more me-orientated, i see myself for who i am and not who you made me to be.

you always made me feel as though if you left, i would crumble and fall. but now, i see how much more beautiful life is without you in it. it took me courage to say this, courage to believe in myself and to believe that it's the best for the two of us.

why am i writing? because it's been a month and yet, i still hear things. i hear whispers of you lurking around me. i hate that. i hate that you have all these cover-ups and all these lies you refuse to tell me. i hate that you still make use of me and my kindness to do your work. i hate that you still treat me as a friend.

i hate that you say i'm your closest friend.

so stop saying it. it's disgusting and it's flithy. it's crude.
i just want you to know, when it's over, it's over. no more strings. no more random acts of kindness.
all i want is to get through this sem and get you out of my system.

i'm glad you've moved on too.
but i'm slightly happier that you've moved into darker territory.
it's not just me saying it.

listen to the people around you and watch how their eyes meet yours.
see if you can see how they see you.

you might hurl.

goodbye.
finally.

//vivo la france//

after a week of tedious overnighters, spss, unwillingly 10am meetings, i HAD to unwind.
it's been such a stressful 3rd week with impossible deadlines and crazy hours up at night.

so after school today i hopped down to vivo city with pearl (of course she's the best)

as we passed vivo, i saw mer's ads. damn proud of that scrawny anowbellu slarte.
heh.

we walked in vivo and guess who we saw:



is it a bird? is it a plane? is it an astronaunt?

no! its:


geoffrey, the only talking giraffe in the world! (as so he says.)

we spent hours talking about our lives, our relationships, toys, boys and other things.
i love pearl.



ole.