//hearing aid: bangras music.

ha. its so forbidden to type during class.

okie, as mr. bangras is talking about inspirational leaders like hitler and lky and all those fancy smashy people, i am here typing away oblivious to the fact that he might just come up to me, feel insulted that i actually said bangras music.

anyway, i'm kinda glad i'm back in school. sitting next to val and tammi, listening to adeline and her blabberings, finding out from val that indeed bird flu comes from birds, knowing that juan likes juicy contours, knowing liz has a button on her head...

its nice.

//hearing aid: beautiful mistake - rafe

hurry in my heart, her words are custom-made

with a death comes a new addition.

meet chole



she was adopted by an aunty (of sorts. we're complicated.) she's 2 and half, indonesian and speaks english like a one year old. well, she was just brought ia few weeks ago.

her tragic story is that her parents were killed in a militant attack in indonesia. she was rescued by a neighbour, together with her one year old brother, and later put in an orphanage.

her brother died about 10 months back.

my aunt was on a relief mission when she saw chole and at that time her brother. my aunt was so smitten by her, the min she got home she went about the adoption procedure. then finally, she's here. she giggles, she smiles, she never cries, she's got naturally curly hair.

her first english word was cookie. i just adore her.

other then that, my ears are nice now.

remember this?


after $2,300,



amazing what money can do.

thank you jules

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. karen
2. ren
3. nerak (just please don't ask.)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. fatimah
2. ah muey
3. lyford. (just please don't ask)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Eyes
2. Naturally straight hair
3. lips

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. fats
2. fats
3. fats

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. My grandma's scottish and thai
2. my grandpa's portuguese
3. my great-grandpa is dutch. (how come i'm so chinky?)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. hospitals
2. noises
3. BIRDS - crows, pigeons, flamingos, emus. everything.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. shampoo
2. cash
3. company

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. old 4/9 class shirt
2. girl boxers
3. plasters on my new ears.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. switchfoot
2. train
3. gorillaz

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
Right now, it's got to be ...
1. Everything - Rafe
2. 24 - Switchfoot
3. Sunny came home - shawn colvin

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. reassurance
2. humor
3. speech.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. i'm secretly lesbian
2. i've got every movie stub from the first movie i watched when i was 7.
3. i have to spend every single cent in my wallet to make me feel secure.

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. humor
2. senstivity
3. patience

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. sleeping
2. counting cash
3. raping my cousins. (please don't ask again.)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. pee
2. ask my brother if he smokes.
3. eat a cookie

THREE CAREERS YOU HAVE CONSIDERED:
1. newscaster in iraq
2. teacher
3. pr person

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. maldives
2. france
3. new york

THREE NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. kaelynn
2. karine
3. ray

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. get rich
2. get married
3. get out of here

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. (like jules) i act like i have a dick
2. all my best friends are boys
3. they all are convinced i am one

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. i have a pussy
2. i whine
3. i wear girl clothes. i try la.

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. julian hee
2. that guy on las vegas
3. that guy on will and grace

THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. elizabeth hurley
2. catherine zeta jones
3. liv tyler

//hearing aid: with or without you (live acoustic) - U2

i can live, with or without you

it was a sad yet uplifting ceremony. 9 of his closest set out on a small boat to the outskirts of singapore.
one of us held a bundle of immaculately white roses. one of us held his remains on her lap.

the weather cleared in time for his burial. he wanted to roam free in the air and sea. so we decided to scatter (as a promise to him) his ashes in the sea. his wife was too scattered there.

as the choppy waters rose, we stood on a tiny deck singing the first line of nearer my God to thee before slowly fading out because we simply and conveniently forgot the words.

hosea was a good song to sing considering we all knew the words.

then slowly, each of us picked a handful of him, threw it out and watch it sink into the green waters.
then we threw a rose each, as if to say farewell.

when i looked behind, i saw a sea of white rose petals on the surface, the most beautiful.
we said our final goodbyes to uncle tom and headed back to shore.


his final resting place.

then off to the granny's place for a long overdue family lunch where the most amazing thing happened to my dad.

he offered to pay for uncle tom's funeral. so he would sign the cheque infront of us and pass it to my mom.
he wrote everything ok till it got to the signature where he just simply couldn't sign
6 times. 6 cheques. till now nothing.
he said there was a force against him. funny?

besides that we all gathered as a family. long overdue.
what uncle tom broke apart, he mended back as a family.
he would be so proud.

then off to merlynns and meet desmond
your dog is massive merlynn.

we ate at brewrks. amazing food.
we didn't drink.
we went to the japanese supermarket without buying a single japanese item.
we bought all other stuff.

weird.

had a great talk with them at tcc.
its amazing to have such great friends who
u never really knew u had.

classic moment: to avoid desmond from colliding with on coming waiter, merlynn sticks out her hand and shouts: "come!"

yes i know, i am blessed.

so are u uncle tom.

actually, it's not that simple.

its not. this death thing.
you think before he goes, you want him to be happy and dead.
so that he would not have to suffer anymore.
so that we don't have to see him lying there rotting away.

but then it happens. when he does die.

you change your mind
you want him around you and the family
not in that brown coffin, well, dead.
and you want him out of the furnance
next to you.

its funny how we contridict ourselves. the whole funeral was a big joke to some.
how we stand there with tears on our cheeks
but telling ourselves he's in a better place

then your mind plays little tricks on you.
a little story plays out on what he is doing now in 'heaven'
what he must be eating
is there cigarettes and beer there for him
are his dogs (who died too) there with him.
is he decked in white and gold
like those movies we see.

is he clean shaven or his moustache still there? he never could decide which was a better look.
is he bloated like he is on earth or is he thin like he was suppose to be?
was the sky grey 'on purpose' today?
or were we looking too much into it?

i'm just relieved its over. the crying game has stopped.
my grandma deserves an award.

i wonder what's worst: losing a husband, a sister or a son.

maybe i'll ask grandma one day.
or maybe i'll know one day.