// run of the mill//

oh no.
i realised there's nothing left to look forward to on sundays. i use to go to church, looking forward to singing and doing all church goer things. i use to feel important. and i use to feel like i mattered and that without me, they would be lacking

i would look forward to russ and kenneth, to nick, char and ade. i would lunch with them at block 3, go for practice, whine about life and be whimiscal about it. sometimes we'd sneak around church to do somewhat illegal things and even get caught. we use to be so energetic, so spontaneous, so fun.

we'd hang out at town, sometimes my place somethimes russ'. we'd go hang at macs or even some void deck till dinner then head home. on a good day, we's even meet again at night.

now, it's like i was shot 3 times in the arm, stabbed 6 in the other and beaten 44374757482 times on my legs. that's how i feel. dreaded and painful and tired.

everyone's constantly tired. constantly sleepy. lazy and i am fucking tired of that. it's true that some of us have matured for lack of a better word. you wouldn't see some faces if not for booze, smokes and the other sex. it's always about how little sleep one got at night or how happening a party was the night before or how hot and unwindy the day was. you never want to do things at the spur of the moment. you never want to be whimiscal and unpredictable. i'm so sick and incredibly tired of everything around me.

you just disappoint me

some disappear completely from my life, like as if they hardly even existed before. some remained constant throughout, of which i am grateful.

once some one asked me who do i depend and trust on the most.
it use to be 5 names.
then it became 3.
now it's one.

and you know what. he's losing it too.