//happy birthday to mer//

cheeky monkey's halloween party was awesome.
the company was good. kenneth came as a deranged doctor/retrenched worker
mer as a mafia queen/whore
i was a substitue teacher/edna mode
char was a masquerade/prom queen
mel seck was a dimsum waitress/shanghai 1948 murder victim

it was fun cos there were other people dressing up and the men were all not as horny as before.

too bad, i couldn't really drink.
oh well.

the beautiful people.

//love generation//

i met up with my lovlies today: shouchen and dean.

we went for lunch at our favorite foodcourt at holland v, devouring our food whilst gossiping about how shouchen got into JUICE mag with a scandalous picture with a random chick. and how dean's love life is lock away in KL. i miss having lunch so much with them. when it was a daily affair, it was one of the things i looked forward to. too bad lynda was sick. boo.

aunty came and joined us and talked about how she scolded a french woman and how a young girl forced her to move from her SIA seat. nal too added her two sense worth about the new intern who was the total opposite of me (read: skinny, a boy, soft spoken and no phone manners).

i miss imsg lar.



i love the two of you p-sluts-r-us.

and when i left, dean sent me this:



JIHAD JOE!

:)

one the best days so far.

//clash and turn//

i went shopping today.

the damage =

brown pants $40
stripey shirt $26
wallet $39
shoes $18

total: $123.00

whoar lau. i won't shop for 40 years and 40 months. i won't misuse my mastercard for other purchases.
i will swear to never shop... for now lar.

and ladies and gentlemen, please see how greedy my mother is. she saw a bowl which we don't have out of the cornwell collections and she had to buy it. it's a square bowl. WHY DO YOU NEED A SQUARE BOWL FOR?



hari raya indeed.

any way, during one of me, merlynn and mel's drunken stupors, we made a pact:



14/10/2006
we, melissa, karen and merlynn hereby state that we shall not gau gui (not be involved in any sense) with any married man. Whatever the reason. No exceptions. THIS IS A PACT. Pardon the drunknesses. Only Merlynn in drunk. Merlynn wrote this.

those were the days.

//born wild//

after aero-frickin-space, i spent my 3 hours watching a recommended documentary:

first docu ever made thus very raw. there was this instinct sadness when you watch it, you just melt when you see how nanook and his family led a simple normadic and rural life in the cold harsh artic. you marvel when you see the way they struggle through the snow, and ice and walruses.

and when he dies, you nearly die with him.

robert flanatery made this remarkable film whilst in the artic, living with them for a year, following their every move and kill. nanook a strong man who is born with a natural eskimic nature strives on polar bear skin trading and sales of his huskies to 'white folk'.

the first ever docu meant no voice-overs or colour. just the raw cold film reel that was there in the artic with you. flashes of dialogue and picture keep you in time. it was poignant and fresh, and i was so intrigued to the very last second of nanook's life.

everyone must watch it. make it an event.

after nanook, wisp made us watch this:

another tear jerker and moment-of-silencer. from the cold exterior of the artic, i was brought to the cold interior of 8 lives intertwined with fate and accidents.

i loved crash when i first watched it but after learning about sterotypes and things like that in detail in year two, this movie brought a new perspective. i felt twisted and ashamed when women were used in the film. it brought me to a point where i asked if this was bordering on the line of reality.

to wind down, me and mer went ahead to the salvation army thrift shop to shop!

wanted to get her mafia stuff for halloween but we ended up buying everything else un-mafia like.
shoes for me and a dress for her at 22 bucks. a steal can.

also this for my favourite gay man:

get groovey.

//a long way to go//

the week went by faster than i could comprehend.

this week, AD PR class set us an impossible deadline:

come up with a questionaire/survey, survey 200 or more secondary school/poly kids from a list we were given, collate and analyse the data using (cue scary melodramatic music) SPSS and present it in class

deadline: thursday, 2pm.

i swear, if the haze isn't going to kill me, PR would.

just got back from the most fantastic bbq at rus's.
there were chicken wings, beef, amazing taiwan sausages and potato gratin, pasta, coconuts, salad, roast pork...
haiyo, i ate everything i saw like a savaged beast.

the company was fantastic too, with my kittylitter nearby.

as we were having our usual smokes and beer breaks, kenneth started asking about the PR industry.
how it was easy to get up.

i took pr in year 3 because i fell so much in love with it during attachment. i guess, now that i think about it, it is a lucrative industry. there's a set of rules to follow when getting up in the industry, who to work for, where to go.

but i'm just not sure if i'm up for it. well, this week is going to kill me so no worries about the future eh.

-break-

shaun asked if i would go to a wedding as his partner in crime.

"hey, you want to dress up, get free food, take photos and get free alcohol?"

"i'm there."

i just love him.

//i dare you to abuse me//

school started three days ago.
and already people are brawling, crying and furiously trying to get their way ala news/feature writing.

IS is like fuck because i'm stuck in fricken AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY. me and desmond are the only mass commers in the class which is somewhat to our advantage.
half way through class, he leans in and says

"this is like sex to me."

ok, what ever tickles your fancy.

tuesday was crazy because there was a mad rush for radio journ and felix and his incessant remarks of the world. and the pr lunch talk at the M Hotel was unworth our dressing up in formal wear for. it was long, draggy and incredibly irrelevant to our cause.

the salmon however, agreed with me totally.

besides that, it's been here in and here out between relationships.
i dare you to abuse me, he said.
it was like he knew what i was thinking.

as we sat in the stillness of car with then windows down,
he quoted a funny line
from a song i heard once upon a time
i laughed and said, it's quite a sight
to see a grown man in this light

he asked if i was over the emotion
if i was keen on being a new girl inside out
i knew it was time to answer him
but somehow i knew if i did, i would convince myself
that i have made a decision.

to tell you the truth,
i haven't understood the whole complexity of the situation
it's like it never happened yet
that i was waiting for it to hit me like
a deer in the headlights of a ford truck.

he asked me again.
i nodded and said, it's just not the time.
it's not the time to say. it's not your time to say.
he nodded and quoted another silly song
from a band that was from beyond
the modern day.

there are somethings i wish i knew
and something i wish i didn't.

pardon the emo kid.

//you had me at hello//





you guys made my day.

from the sleepy homily
to cutting queue at the vegetarian store
to rus's construction worker fashion sense
to jacky chung's soppy love songs
to andy lau's lobster concert.

pardon the film strip, i was being negative.

//grey area//

i was feeling bored at home, so i called the two most adorable germans i know - danny and peter - for some cheering up.

we sat through 2 seasons of grey anatomy with an amazing cliff hanger at the end of the second one. all three of us sat up and gasped at the tv when the credits rolled.

"NO! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! I'M CALLING ABC TO COMPLAIN!" said danny with his german beer laced mouth.

but right after we turned the dvd player off, oprah was interviewing ellen pompeo (meredith) about the season finale. and we all gasped at the tv again.

meredith grey was gorgeous.

this was what we sat through 7 hours of:



this is what we should have sat though:



danny threw his beer in the air.
"well, they couldn't afford makeup eh."

"dan, they are doctors!"

"well, the dead people look much better. this clearly shows that she is capable of looking hell drop dead amazing."

"ok," says karen.

"i have to go marinate chicken."

//i'll be damned//

i cannot take it. so exciting!

a friend whom i only got to know
was a calafair (is that how u spell)
in holland v the series!

hello there man from the tv!


ok, now everyone knows how sad i am watching re-runs of chinese series

//let there be light//

i loved to be where i was 12 hours ago.
but i know that it was just a mere glimpse of what is yet to come
if i force myself not to go there.

i'm a strong girl.
i'm in love with myself.
and i need to constantly tell myself that.

i'm better than that ok.

chee, kenna hooked on chinese songs.

the little things

1. My ex is still...
playing with his xbox and himself.

2. I am listening to...
somewhere over the rainbow by israel kamakawiwo'ole

3. Maybe I should...
get a new love in life

4. I love...
having good skin

5. My best friend...
loves to fish, loves purple, is labour at it's cheapest, a guitar god and has a 300 dollar helmet.

6. I don't understand...
some people.

7. I lost...
my shuffle. with 200 songs. pfft.

8. People say...
i am too strong for my own good.

9. The meaning of my screen name is...
my short form of karen because my friends are too lazy to pronouce two words.

10. Love is...
when he knows what you need without asking.


11. Somewhere, someone is...
thinking if she made the right decision.

12. I will always...
want to live in germany and never make decisions

13. Forever seems...
to be too long

14. I never ever want to...
wake up and realise i don't love him.

15. My cell phone is...
amazing can.

16. When I woke up this morning...
i thought of what to do tomorrow.

17. I get annoyed...
when things crumble between my fingers

18. Parties are...
what keeps me going

19. My pet(s) are...
my fish - milo

20. Kisses are the best when...
when he loves you.

21. Today I...
won at Guesstures.

22. Tomorrow I will...
go to work, meet with him and make a decision

23. I really want...
move on, out and over.

7 random things about myself:
1. my brazillian name is carolina calcacanti
2. i make funny faces in my bathroon mirror
3. i love people who read or/and are well-read
4. i ever dined in a cable car with a psychopath
5. i have never forgotten the white orchid guy
6. i want someone to take my breath away
7. i love watching serials of anything.

7 things that scare me:
1. BIRDS. ANY TYPE.
2. psychopath
3. making wrong decisions
4. him
5. being poor
6. becoming useless to anyone
7. not loving what i do/become/the person i end up with

7 random songs at the moment:
1. somewhere over the rainbow - israel kamikawiwo'ole
2. chasing cars - snow patrol
3. mr. beasley - corrinne may
4. bittersweet sympthony - the verve
5. dead from the waist down - catatonia
6. brightest - copeland
7. cover me - mae

7 things I like most:
1. russ
2. kenneth
3. char
4. mer
5. nick
6. mom
7. ice-cream.

a life that's lost.

//beached wails//

the past few days passed by me really fast.

saying goodbye to my lovely is difficult. jou was a colleague at the event's place and she's leaving!
gone are the days where we yelled YAO LOG! and singing to corinne may's save me.
good luck in mediacorp as a broadcaster. like damn glam



then at mer's house, we tried to be power rangers:



whoar lau eh.

today's beach outing was awesome. just because my two favourite loves were around.











the sunset bay.

//you make me happy//

a while ago, my brother turned his photography skills to videography for his friend's wedding.
he made a photo/video montage of the bride and grooms courting days and added some music, some animation.

but the underlying theme of the video was this poem by e.e cummings and i melted when i heard it:

i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart
i am never without it
anywherei go you go
my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,
my darling

i fear no fate
for you are my fate,my sweet
i want no world
for beautiful you are my world, my true
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart

listening to the soft hummings for music in the back ground, and just sitting there i felt so fuzzy. i was really shocked at how sentimental my brother truly is.

to match that up, a certain axed boyfriend wrote me a poem once. it was the first time words made me cry:

let me show you
how you make me soar
high above the moon
the stars shine with the spark of you love

let me show you
how you make me feel
the gentle prick of night
engulfed by the weary morn
the soft craziness in the air
like electricity when you lay

let me show you
how much i love you
i carry your song in my heart
and your laugh in my soul
love you i will, forever be time.

i wish someone would write for me again.

//the sunday's best//

i want to marry this man:



haha before you get all omigawd did you get turned on by his kimbaejongilsuyong korean hair or by the apron,
i know this guy.
haha it's an inside joke but i thought i might scare you guys a little bit :)

the new phone is spectacular. i realised everything i go through a break up, it's a new phone.
it's really spanking new and pink!

throwing caution in the wind.

//chasing cars//

if i lay here, if i just lay here.



the whole day was suppose to be about filling myself in with whatever i've been missing out on. happiness, pampering, doing things my way and possibly even some lovin'.

but of course, if you have been keeping time with my blog, whatever i plan to do never happens.

started out with going to work in the morning and ending with the whole afternoon with my colleagues at bugis. it was quite nice but tacky. the new guy was a hoot though. thank goodness he's quite a talker or else i wouldn't know what to do. seems that my desk buddy is leaving on tuesday and he's my new desk buddy. he swears he's neat but it's never really the case isn't it guys.

off back home just in time for dinner with my parents. had a good talk with them about everything that has happened. and if you don't already know, then ask me about it. their two cents worth was very enlightening. when it's no holds barred, it becomes very raw i feel.

at night, when out for one when i saw this house near my estate. they were having an orgy i swear! people were going in and out of the house seamlessly and never looking at each other in the eye. when the door swung open i could see barely clothed women dancing and swinging around. then the cats next to got horny and went at it, and a gang fight happened at the next block. my estate damn happening tonight.

met up with mer, caught a good film: final cut. very tiring movie though but good concept. had robin williams, mira sorvino and jim carviezel. (hotness please)
cruised over to friends.

i'm still having a little ache.
but it's like a pulled muscle after a long run.

it feels damn shiok