//never looked good in blue//

heart, we will forget him, you and i, tonight!
you must forget the warmth he gave,
and i will forget the light.

emily dickinson

dear mr. so&so,

it's been a month since we left.
and today, i thought about it. for the first time i sat back and thought about everything that happened in the past month. how the use-to-be crying every night when you were together came to a halt the minute we spilt.

it was the best thing that ever happened.

it's sick to know that i loved you so much to the point that i was willing to do anything to have you back.
but i'm over that now.
i've been over that for the past few weeks. to be honest, the time spent without you was more liberating then times spent with you put together. i'm clear-minded, i'm more me-orientated, i see myself for who i am and not who you made me to be.

you always made me feel as though if you left, i would crumble and fall. but now, i see how much more beautiful life is without you in it. it took me courage to say this, courage to believe in myself and to believe that it's the best for the two of us.

why am i writing? because it's been a month and yet, i still hear things. i hear whispers of you lurking around me. i hate that. i hate that you have all these cover-ups and all these lies you refuse to tell me. i hate that you still make use of me and my kindness to do your work. i hate that you still treat me as a friend.

i hate that you say i'm your closest friend.

so stop saying it. it's disgusting and it's flithy. it's crude.
i just want you to know, when it's over, it's over. no more strings. no more random acts of kindness.
all i want is to get through this sem and get you out of my system.

i'm glad you've moved on too.
but i'm slightly happier that you've moved into darker territory.
it's not just me saying it.

listen to the people around you and watch how their eyes meet yours.
see if you can see how they see you.

you might hurl.

goodbye.
finally.