she sure like the bone
dead eye dick, new age girl.
i'm talking in codes for this one, if you think you get it, you aren't involved. people in this know its them.
the emm retreat was, different.
the good was that there was meaning to everything we did, and there was reason to push forward as emm. there was growth, and shrinking of pride. there was loud banter and silent internal struggles. i saw things that after 8 years with emm, i have never noticed.
everyone was a different colour. different hues, different tones of warm and cool. every person reflected a light, like a prism but more complexed.
the bad, honestly, too many to even list. the worst part of the camp, ironically, was the fact that everyone was there. there were no clinques, no holds bar. it was 30 individuals living together, apart and all day long.
i hate camps sometimes because they are the appetizers to drama. i hate that all it needs is a single four word sentence, gesture of a finger, a twinge of a face and a roll of an eye to change everything.
the conflicts were kept tight and light this time, nothing really blowing out of proportion till the camp was almost over. some people should hold their tongue. a simple reason being that not everyone thinks like you do.
some people should keep their eyes and thoughts to themselves. he feels uncomfortable, i feel uncomfortable, she feels uncomfortable. i can literally feel the stare grazing across my shoulders and down my spine.
if you refuse to save your heart, at least save your dignity.
the most annoying part was that i actually fell for it.
i fell for the beady eyes, the pitiful sighs and the tragic incidents that pepper your life. i fell for the squeaky voice, the wallflower presence.
now, even though i feel i am poking my nose into a between him-and-you situation, i at the same time, feel i have to do it to guard him. because i think he deserves to be helped.
life throws you in the deep end of the pool, not without telling you how deep it is. it's just biting at me that now, i have to turn around and shed the me i want her to know, and present my real feelings.
you know i'm doing this for you, because i love you.
and i'm willing to take that risk.
on top of that, the camp became a real eye opener to a little box at the back of my mind. i thought i burnt it along with my emotional baggage over a year ago. in fact, this hidden box came back to haunt me.
inside this box, is well, lack of a better word, unresolved barricades. it's not a big problem, not a small one either. it can be ignored but if i face it, i might open another can of worms.
wah lau, go one camp also so many shit.
well, i'm glad at least this week, i managed to hang loose and spend some time with my friend heinekin. i haven't tasted alcohol for months now. blame it on the two-o. but that night, i decided to let my self go and go ahead and get smashed.
unfortunately, i did not get smashed. by 5am, i was so sober, i headed home bound. said good day to the under 18s who whet their lips with booze, and hugged the above 18s with a sense of maturity.
we've grown up
facing the 'kids', i saw myself and my friends when we were 16. the void deck tryst, the careless days that go by, the fingers that scented with poison, the lips watered with indulgence. where did we go from there?
anyway, thanks ashley for the invite, the booze, mini pizzas, mutant ninja turtles and the reassurance that any guy who offends me will get a black eye.
i've grown up now
i wish i could measure resentment
with a giraffe type ruler
on a wall.
