but I'll be close behind

no blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
just our hands clasped so tight
waiting for the hint of a spark
if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied
illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
death cab for cutie, i will follow you into the dark.

last night, in the chill and whirl of my room,
watching postsecret's youtube videos,
swallowing my pride
curled up in my chair,

i thought of you.

it suddenly hit me that you're no longer in existance.

it suddenly dawned on me that we could have made it.
we could have become more than things would dare us to.

and amidst all the fights and screaming matches we had,
all the times i said i didn't care,
or all the times you gave in to me
and all the times we just wanted to leave it alone,
i really, truely think you could have been the one person who could accept me
when everyone didn't.

and when i went to sleep last night, with my face sticky from tiredness and tears
i thought of you and that when i woke up, light will make everything translucent again.
that i will see past the fact that, i will never be able move on from you,
or take you with me into the dark.

but when light came,
it made everything transparent. and bright.
everything seeped from the darkness
into obviousness.
i'm, speechless with the emptiness that greeted me.

at work, a colleagues friend passed away suddenly during the morning
i had so much to say to him, telling him my story of loss with you
how you gallantly went, and how i graciously let you go.
but i held back, not wanting to ruin the memory i etched in my mind.

you might never know how i feel
or you might know everything,
i wish i knew too, why we so together, can be so apart.

and somehow i don't want to get out of this feeling
of loss and of loneliness,
a sketchy innuendo of pity
and of a chance wasted by death.
on the other hand, no use crying over spilled milk.


i need to get out of here.
go somewhere. where i can transcend with you.

and the soles of your shoes are all worn down
the time for sleep is now
it's nothing to cry about
cause we'll hold each other soon
the blackest of rooms