for a break that will make it ok.

there's always some reason
to be not good enough
sarah mclachlan, angel

i read sera's blog.
a song that wrenches you, and makes you just crumble, rethink.

that song is angel for me.

for then, for now, for my future. when i hear this song, especially when i'm in need of some sort of emotional checkout, i just want to cry and let the tears bleed out of me.

right now, it's a time where this song comforts me.
i don't know why i'm here in my life, where i am forced to be happy.

i hate burdening the people around me with my little insecurities and problems. everyone else has their own pain, and they deal with it. i'm not the sort who sits and yacks non stop about how painful my life is and how hard it is to deal with right now.

but i think i'm finally feeling it, depressing as it may sound. i'm depressed, forced from the warmth of the world, the sun on my skin. i've made it to the dark side, which i've used all my energy avoiding.

kenneth said he needs me to start talking about it and if i have reach the point, i have to let it out. i don't know how, how do u lament? how do u pour your heart out to a total stranger, someone who doesn't understand the tragedy of your life?


i've given up trying to be happy for myself.
i've come to terms that there might never be that stage in life.