i've got soul but i'm not a soldier

when it's all said and done
is there time for one more song
all the things that i've done, the killers

shaun insisted we have to drive through the 6pm weekday orchard road jam to witness "the once-in-a-year christmas sprirt that is free". he dragged me, with his very reluctant fiat punto to watch cars travel slower than a snail on gravel.

instead of going through novena and cutting at tangs down through town, he HAD to drive to holland then through tanglin because "there's where real orchard starts. see? orchard hotel..." about 15 mins later "and there's orchard towers".

as we drove down the streets, i realised the light up is quite magical. lights glistening in the pale sky, the sound of people rushing and cars honking. the funny twinkly merry go round things.

and didn't take any photos because i was sulking in the car (ok, fine. my bad.) and he was wowing at everything. but he did make up for that 40mins of crawling with scrumptious dinner.


talks of vietnam.
this means out of the country.
we haven't settled national problems yet.
and we're taking it internationally.


haiyo, yet again karen is in shit.

hurt myself again today

and, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
be my friend
hold me, wrap me up
sia, breathe.


to satisfy my craving for steamboat, my brother brought the family out for some quasi satisfying steamboat at chong pang.

i think my brother might not like that he looks so scruffy here

to my surprise, that night me and dad were hit with terrible food poisoning. vomitting and fever and purging later, the docs told me that i have inquired a friendly virus of the stomach flu and been spreading it to my family. as of today, my dad and mom are sleeping feverishly.

to that, i stayed home and curled under my blanket for the entire day, refusing to study for a test tml, on the pretence that i am ill. i am going to kick myself tml.

last thursday, while the boys went home to sleep the glorious afternoon away, me, sera and candy visited haji lane.

quaint and incredibly quiet, haji has some of singapore's best kept secret design and vintage finds.



we hung out at pluck, this ice-cream parlour.
we shopped around all these vintage shops.
we ate wedges and pita bread at al-lazzag.

wonderful thursdays.



i have a test tml that i am going to fail.
heh.

the toxic friend.

everyone has one of these friends.

you laugh and joke and go shopping together.
you attend all kinds of events together, much like paris and nicole before the simple life.
your social circles overlap and look like the train map of the london underground.
you went through heartaches, and pain and happiness together.

then just when you thought it was a friendship made to last, they turn toxic.



a toxic friend is someone who just makes you love to hate them. they've got everything - perfect this and that, thinks the biggest problem in life is having no time to wax their legs, confident and ever so self-centered about their lives.

but after all, YOU are their best friend, you have to accept them for who and what they are, right? because they accept you for the shitload of problems you bring in with you.

as the day goes by, and your friendship deepens and matures, you start to realise what a pain they are. every waking moment is how terrible their steford lives are or how incredibly stressed they are about which brand of toothpaste to buy. flaws are flaws but toxicity is toxicity. oh my god. get real problems please!

i'm starting to wonder if there is hope for these toxic relationships. where is the line you draw from being friends to i-can't-take-your-shit-no-more-biatch. i'm pretty sure i'm near that line with a somewhat good friend of mine. no names mentioned, no gender mentioned and no offence should be taken UNLESS you suspect you are that person which i doubt you will. here on out, toxic friend will be known as toxi

toxi rants about life's unfairness. when i look at toxi's life, i am stunned. brilliant household, wonderful partner, great education, great job, great friends (please, oh wunderful friends indeed), great social calender, great everything. toxi is upset that 'everything bad happens to toxi'. just because toxi cannot face the fact that sometimes life just fucks you!

oh get grip. i have up to here with all that incessant ranting about toxi's singaporean dream life. yeah, maybe toxi did have a few fallen dreams. a few unfairness in toxi's own stride. face it love, if life was fair, i would been born as you.

take example one: toxi calls me for advice about project book. toxi cannot take it that project book is just not going toxi's way. toxi is frustrated. i listen. i empathize, even gave toxi tips on moving on in project book's direction. after a careful but thorough conversation, we move on to my life as toxi asked: "so what's up with you?" i talk about some sadness due to death, some heartache. toxi is quiet. toxi then says: "you hang in there, i've got to go. bye!" in the most buttery, sickening sweet tone you can imagine toxi dripping in butterscotch syrup. i, flabbergasted and still in need of some adrenline to recover from shock, recieve an sms from toxi two mins later.

expecting an apology for an abrupt and sweet ending to our conversation, i get some other redundant, repulsive sms about toxi's perfect lifestyle. oh, from toxi.

i honestly cannot imagine how long more of toxi i can handle. though we hardly see each other nowadays, i feel myself running away from conversations because if i have to hear one more rant about the prices of noodles going up and how toxi cannot afford it, i will strangle toxi with vermicelli.

maybe i'm secretly and unknowingly jealous of this toxi. maybe i want toxi's laguna beach life.


or maybe i'm sick of toxi putting my problems aside because there's no more ben&jerry's in the supermarket.



so who's your toxic friend?
i really hope it's not me, cause then i just shot myself in the foot. heh

sometimes i feel like i don't have partner

red hot chili peppers, under the bridge

well, i do sometimes but then i get reminded that "it's better this way" and it will save me heart from actual ache. and i know, some people say don't spend your life wondering what if, well, i don't want to spend my life saying wrong direction.

the week has been, purely hectic.
i always start the day feeling exhausted.
ok, i tell my being, right after work/school i'll head home and rest.
that plan works till about 3pm - 5pm where plans just make themselves.

MON
spent the entire day studying with my classmates or attempting some work. starbucks at tanglin was infested with tykes. and no one wanted to move to macs with me. booo. the night was littered with the brilliance of kenneth and marriage proposals. please don't assume anything.

TUES
met up with big shots at sph and mediacorp for quick meeting and media drop. good networking but the journalists look so engulfed by their work. i had a journalist have to stand on her chair just to climb over the piles of newspapers and mags. chilling. kenneth at night as i got lost in sengkang and was going in his direction.

WED
did work mostly at home, shaun came over for company. school hols has done him no good. he has lost the will to shave even. he helped me correct my work for school and made my essay sound damn cheem but using huge words instead of acceptable tiny ones.

THURS
missed school altogether, but met with the classmates for mac'd tour - meaning mugging at macs. i ended up typing about 100 words for a 2000 word essay. woooohooo, over achiever. had coffee and cakes and bagels (i'm so british now) wit sera and dinner with kevin before heading to church to kaypoh kenneth.

Highlight of the day: my mac is deceased.

FRI
fell sick. i forsee that final sip of bandung coming to bite me. i laid at home and shaun came over with soup just for me. doctor thinks it's food poisoning but i think it's just my stomach saying ENOUGH! stop smoking and eating and smoking somemore!

SAT
was suppose to be stay home saturday but class was called and from 2-5pm i wasted my time. i absolutely detest that woman and if she didn't hold my grades in her hands i would pop her silly. met my brother for dinner and we went mac shopping. bought the macbook, which is pretty alright.

met my sis-in-law (whoar, i feel odd) and we shopped for jewellery sponsored by mummy dearest. for her only, i was tempted to bribe. then we all met up for a satisfying chocolate dessert and home. oh, and a special visit by mer and victor.

shaun dropped by at 3am reeking of soberness.

SUN
shall not be disclosed.
i had personal stuff to attend, rather touchy. thankfully, someone was with me.


hectic. i bet i'll look back on this entry few years from now and wonder why the fuck i would pack my day like that.


stupid girl.

feels like home.

it feels like i'm on my way home
home back to you
home, twila paris.



cedric's party was a while back.
home club served up it's platter of good drinks and music.
cedric was busy entertaining, so it left me and my loves all to ourselves.

armed with good ol' beer, kenn, kev, me and char sat by the river and just talked.
talked

i haven't talked in a long time.
like go au naturale with people.
strip to essentials.

topics range from school to sex, from the future to scarfs. we chatted for hours whilst the music played in the background and the people shift through the night.

finally, when we figured we had chatted enough, we arranged to meet up, just to talk.
i really like 'just to talk'.
because it in these few instances, i realise who my true friends are.
in these intense moments, i get the feeling that somehow, in the complexity of things, simplicity can make me feel fulfilled.


and in the midst of everything going on, i have someone to ground me.
thanks for that night guys, i've been meaning to say that.

immaculate conception

doncha wish your PC was Mac like me?


after years of waiting, leopard is out.
and my dearest classmate sera was the first of my friends to lay hands on the feline sex technological object in her sparkering (think: rain in korea sparkling ad) new macbook. armed with leopard and photo booth, that's all she needs for me to be constantly ranting and raving at her.



of course, being girls and being me, candy and sera, we had to cam whore.
in a totally new mac kinda of way.











i hate to say it, but we're unbelivable.

will you come and follow me

if i but call your name
the summons.

hurray, elaine and aaron, after a 5 year courtship, are married.




the wedding was great, food good, company even better. it's different when a friend gets married, you have this feeling of loss halfway through. compare to a family when u have a feeling of addition. funny me.

anyway the pictures + captions will tell:

the gorgeous ribbon arrangements handmade by brian tan.

me, the quasi-wedding coordinater and emily, the pretty side kick.

the gang glammed up.

me, jean and char in the toilet at rendevous hotel.

you saw it first: steph in a hot pink dress with jean and mary.

me and my pseudo date for the evening in his smoky grey power! suit.

the boys in mid dinner.

the gang at the dinner minus nick.

me and my boys. don't they look absolutely delicious?

youths of the choir: char, me, mary, nick, jean, russ and kenn.

russ and his pseudo date, jean.

power suit men: meanie, brian, russ and kenn.

meanie's too tall for his own good.

me and bernie, love.

my boys :)

me and jean, kudos for the photos.

to aaron and elaine, here's to a lifetime of happiness and bliss. you guys are perfect for each other and i wish you all the best. HOME RUN! it's a massive inside joke.




i like glamming up.