love is the answer

And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy,
And sometimes life can be deceiving,
I'll tell you one thing:
its always better when we're together

better together, jack johnson

my brother is now officially married.
i'm so happy for my brother. extremely happy. i'm happy he found someone so perfect for him. i'm happy that his wedding went without a single hiccup and that i was relieved to see my brother genuinely happy.

he smiled, from day to night, non stop. i've never seen my brother so happy before. apart from the day he got engaged, he hasn't smiled so wide before. and she, my sis in law, was gorgeous, and very happy too.

they were made for each other.
you can just tell from the smiles illuminating from their faces.



i'm too lazy to load up all the photos, i promise soon!

as selfish as this might sound, i miss my brother.

today, i came home to him surrounded by boxes. he was packing the last of his things to move to his new place. my sis in law was folding some clothes into a big bag, he was shoving his computer into a box.

then, he said, "so this is the last night i'll be here."

it hit me. this is the last night.

you know, i was prepping myself for this day for the longest time. since 2weeks ago when i suddenly realised that he would be away from the house, i began mentally preparing myself.

the song playing in the background of his room, was Better Together by Jack Johnson.
it is really better when we're together.

for 21 years, he was just a wall away from me. and he would be there, on his computer, hidden behind a clothes rack. we don't talk much at home but, just knowing he is physically there for me is more than enough comfort i need.

for 21 years, every fight, hug or conversation we had was never restricted by time. we could talk all night, or all day not worrying that we had to return back to where we were suppose to be.

for 21 years, he was my brother.
now, he's a husband. in time to come, he'll be a father.

i've not come to terms with my brother not being around all the time. i know i've got to grow up. it's not like he passed away or moved to another country. technically, he's an hour away. but that's 59mins 57secs further than usual.

it just takes time to get use to. i know he deserves this. and i, one day, will have to move out away from my parents. my mom's so stoic. she's pretending it doesn't bother her.

but i know, she's so affected by it, she went to sleep early so she didn't have to see my brother pack. come on lah, my mom cried when my brother went to tekong for BMT. (haha!)

anyway, tmrw, there'll be more missing going on, pardon me if i seem a little more down then usual. it's tough to come home to no one to call kor.

just want to say this very simply to my brother:

i love you kor, and it's hard to know that you'll not be around for me as much as you have been these past 21 years.

from willingly sheltering me from jason and wyane's football throws when i was 3 (he still has scars from that incident)
to walking in the rain the other day so i could use your jacket to keep dry, i'm grateful for every ridculous thing you ever done. (even for buying me neon green nail polish when i asked for pastel colours. heh.)

and i know you'll always be there, in a split second, you will be next to me. not that i will call you every five mins, i know your limits.

i'll get use to the lack of top gear updates, and lack of free music. i'll get use to not fighting over the last bottle of yakult. i'll even get use to not finding my cd's in your room.

yes, we're better together, but we'll do great apart too.

i wish you everything good in this world, not because it's the right thing to do.
but because you deserve everything good in this world.

i love you kor, and will always be your little sister.

with unconditional love,
karen :)