ten in twentyten.

so the year is almost over. it's the time of the year where i sit back and ponder on what this year has given me.

the ten things i want to remember from 2010.

1. Found the baking bug.

 

2. travelling twice! once to glorious KL where i spent four days eating and "vicing" with my two boys and to phuket where i had lomantic rendovous with the beau.

3. watched my nephew grow into an incredible human being.

4. watch two of my best friends crumble, fall and build themselves up again. i am so proud of both of you to be able to walk again.

5. left a warm fuzzy place and left for a brighter, harsher and more promising place of work. i still miss you guys everyday.

6. left a terrible interim job that bruised my thought that 'as long as you're adaptable you'll be fine anywhere' theory. some places don't deserve your adaptability.

7. watched cockpit perform at one of Singapore's largest indie stage - Baybeats 2010. and again at some smaller gigs but each time getting better and better. i'm proud to be a hen.

8. said goodbye to one of my best friends and sent him to brisbane. i miss you everyday :(

9. finally, after 3 years of throwing it out as a suggestion, we went as captain planet for halloween!

 

10. still having the best, most awesome relationship i have ever been in. 

one the best years i had in a long time. onward to 2011!

it's nice.

it's nice to know i am part of a much bigger, greater thing and contribute to it being big and great.

congratulations to winning agency of the year, yet again, at the IAS hall of fame.

prongsap phuket.

 

day one

- arrived at phuket international airport at 10am

- did a fast check out and managed to get a cab for a steal at 500baht

- drove for an hour through city roads, suburb streets and mountain ways till we reached the picturesque Old Phuket Hotel

- checked in and it started to rain.

- rained in so we order room service - phad thai, soup noodles and shrimp toast

- napped and caught up on sleep.

- ventured out to the enclave that was outside the hotel for dinner. Settled on Andaman Seafood Restaurant because woman was very nice.

- had garlic mussels, green curry, bbq sotong and veg

- during dinner, some kid set off fireworks at the beach, it was awesome!

- bought supplies of chips, drinks and munchies back to the hotel.

- had an early early night.

 

day two

- woke up early for buffet breakfast! had awesome scrambled eggs and toast.

- packed up and swim suited up for karon beach. beach was awesome and windy. the beau got beers and we just chilled.

- headed back to the hotel for a short snooze.

- tested out the jacuzzi in the balcony. lazed in there for a good 3 hours.

- headed out to Jungceylon for dinner: samurai burger from macdonaldns

- ta-pao Zaap from KFC (tomyam drumlets) back to hotel

- bought shit loads of water and goodies from Carrefour

- had an early night in anticipation for Phi Phi!

day three

- woke up at 6am for our tour out to Phi Phi Island

- got into a minivan and sat through an hour long journey to Phuket Pier.

- got onto a boat for an hour and a half ride to Phi Phi Lay, smaller of the two Phi Phi islands.

- saw undoubtedly, the most beautiful island ever

- got off the boat and snorkeled and played with fishies. Freaked out because fishes swarmed around me and nibbled. personal space please!

- got off a Phi Phi Don for lunch

- explored Phi Phi Don's many enclaves and streets.

- settled down at the cutest bakery and had cinnamon bun, chocolate eclairs, coffee and the best mango smoothie ever.

- headed back for a very choppy boat ride back to main land.

- got back to the hotel, showered and went out for kick ass steak at Buffalo Steakhouse - steak, pork steak, meatballs, shrimp salad, french onion soup, garlic bread. 

- headed back to the hotel and had an early night because we were knackered.

day four

- woke up considerably late but still in time for breakfast

- spent the whole morning in the jacuzzi - ah bliss!

- checked out at 3pm and headed to Jungceylon for last minute shopping.

- had phad thai, shrimp fried rice and tom yam goong for lunch.

- had couple time out - I got a manicure and he went to an internet cafe for one hour of me time.

- went to the hotel then airport for our flight home.

- flight got delayed! touched down at singapore at 2am.

Phuket was seriously awesome.

just a note.

nobody, breaks my heart.

OH-EH-SIS

so i started at a new place three days ago.
and it took all of three days to realise that i made the biggest mistake of my entire career.

i now, am sitting in a terrible position - not sure if i should rough it out or struggle to find something new. i'm not sure if this is a sick joke that someone is playing on me.

i am just waiting for opportunity.
an opportunity to feel the same way i felt a while back.

at least at sambadolphin, i was warm and had people i look forward to seeing every single day. and if you are to work in such a high stressed environment, you need to be with people you truly like and love.

i loved you guys, and i am kicking myself for letting you go.

it's too late now, i'm opening an old wound.

farewell.

it was poignantly beautiful today.
it was my last day at my company. it's been one month since i handed in my resignation.

i thought leaving would be easy, but i was oh so wrong. i realised it was the last time i would walk down that red carpeted corridor, the last time i would scan my card at the reader and take off my shoes, dump my bag at the left hand side of the table and turn on the laptop.

the last time i would get that cup of aik tong coffee and have breakfast while i read the straits times and wait for my emails to load.

the last time i would look over to my left and glare at my manager for playing kenny g, the last time i would look across the room to pass a look of approval for the crazy youtube video my designers sent to me.

this was suppose to be easy. but it was the hardest thing i ever had to do at my whole time at my company.

in the middle of the david gates and boyz II men songs, while everyone was singing and giving me hugs of good wishes, i secretly, held back tears that would have easily given away that my stoic stance.

i am going to miss you guys, just like a first love.

to you.

My atoms and chemicals could've been made anywhere in the universe, but they were made here, near you. Near yours.

you made me, alive again.

thank you.

three.

i can't believe it's been three years since you passed away.
i remember the year, only because i jotted it down in this blog.

it's been three years since i lost you completely. and honestly these three years have been so tough.

there were many nights of crying, wishing you were here.
there were many nights of laughing, washing you away.
there were days of pure agony, knowing touch is a never ever.
there were days of pure comfort, knowing you and i are in a better place.

i've learnt to live without you comfortably, but it doesn't mean i don't think about you time to time. things around me trigger these inner thoughts of you, floating around in my mind like a persistent idea.

you come in the weirdest of times - in the middle of a meeting, or when i am trying on a dress in the fitting room. you just invade my space, knowing full well i am not ready to think of you. it is annoying sometimes you know, when i'm trying to focus on the task at hand, and there you are, just running in. it's very like you to do that actually, you always appear and disappear as and when you please.

but you always leave a sweet aftertaste... just a hint of sorrow but a little bliss as well. that's the way you wanted me to remember you. at the end of the day, i always smile when i think of you, no matter how painful the memory of you is.

i've been having better days - i'm with someone i love now - it is something you always hoped i would find, regardless if you were in the equation or not. i think you will like him, you and him share the same brand of odd humour.

i really hope, despite of all the years to come, despite of all the life memories that will occur, despite the people i'm with and meet - you will always, always be drifting in and out of my mind.

rest well, gab. i really do miss you, and i know you do too.

taken off and out.

i am super proud of you, the beau.
no matter how silly, unbelievable or stupid your endevours are - know i that i'm super behind you.

cockpit ftw!

bye bye baby bye bye.

i handed in my resignation letter two days ago.
amidst all the chaos of securing a new job, trying to find the right words to say, getting my resume in place -

i forgot why i wanted to leave in the first place.

today, i was rudely reminded. and a tiny glimmer of hope shined in my heart when i looked at you. i just have had enough - and i know you could see it in my heart.

in September, I'll will be starting at the spanking new place which wants me bad enough to pay me more, bend over backwards and accommodate my wants and demands.

i think change was something i needed.

space out

life has been easy so far.
i just realised that's why i don't blog much now.
oh well, no news is good news :)

waving flag.

found a fantastic mural designs done by ESPN in line with the World Cup 2010.
these are satirically fun and well executed - loved england's!

  see the rest here.

dcfc.

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark.

i have decided that my next tattoo embodies the above quote from dcfc's follow you into the dark. 

because i realised, i have nothing left of you.

i get you.

it's the season.
as the weather heats up - so does the fury and tempers of the people i know.

maybe it's because we've experienced the nearest (hence largest) full moon since 2006 - you know how there are theories that suggest a relation between a full moon and mental well being.

or maybe, the heat is killing all our capabilities to make rational decisions.

or it could very well be the constant shining of the sun on our backs that is causing us to squint and not see where we are going.

many, too many of the people i love are drowning in this maddening of times. there is just too many people running around doing crazy things they firstly, never had the guts to do and secondly, never felt they should do.

what's wrong guys?

i blame the weather, honestly.

bang in the bush.

finally, after about 4 months of separation and not hearing your voice, i saw and heard you for the first time.

it might not be much, but it's good enough. i wish i could give you a giant hug to say how much we miss you these past few months.

love love love! :)

like tears from a star.

If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one
Drying in the colour of the evening sun
Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay
Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime's argument
That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are

- fragile ; sting

things come and things go.

and everything, not just life, is just so fragile.

i wish i knew what to say to you both. i could rattle on about the usuals. but if you noticed, now all i say is 'i'll here for you.'

because honestly, that's the only thing i know is for certain. i can't promise it will get better, i can't give any advice because things are just so complicated.

but i know for certain, i am here - for you both.

i don't care about how weird things are going to get. 

i don't care about who is more important.

all i do care about is that both of you get healed. and i'll try very hard to help you heal.

i love you both - and i wish you both well.

kasino kayelé

so kuala lumpur proved to be an awesome consoliday (read: console, holiday) in place of bangkok.

the situation in bangkok is pretty fucked up. a day before we were due to leave, a state of emergency was announced. while we partied, got drunk and gambled in KL, 20 people lost their lives fighting against or for something they believe in.

i hope the thais remember that lives - not just hardship - is at stake.

ok, moving on to our trip to KL - it was made up of PURE WIN.

I'm going to list down the myriad activities we did, because i never, never want to forget what happened:

Day 1

• arrived at Berjaya Times Square
• had a coffee and KRISPY KREMES
• arrived at Radius International Hotel and checked in (free upgrade!)
• ventured out to bukit bintang for some bak ku teh
• walked down to pavilion where i screamed when i saw forever 21
• shopped, had some starbucks and headed to nandos for dinner
• went back to the hotel, changed and headed to zouk KL
• partied like it was 1999 (literally) and drank (4 jugs = 140rm!)
• watched as the beau puked at the zouk KL sign 
• sent the beau back, leaving kenneth to fend on his own
• tucked the beau into bed with a warm towel on his head.

Day 2

• woke up bright and early to have breakfast: fishball mee, roast chicken and pork and ampang yong tao foo
• headed to pudraraya to get a cab to Genting! Kenneth bailed due to hangover.
• cabbie drove at 180kmh on a winding mountain road - nearly died
• sat a cable car (south east asia's longest and fastest) through the clouds into genting!
• managed to smoke everywhere and anywhere (bought famous amos cookies while puffing away)
• experienced 21˚C weather!
• won 100rm then squandered it away again at the casino.
• headed back to the hotel for a short snooze
• headed out for dinner at jalan barat - hokkien mee, wanton soup, char kway teow, yong tao fu
• decided KL was too awesome and extended one more day!
• had an early night

Day 3

• woke up reasonably late - had breakfast at the same fishball, yong tao fu place, this time with char siew!
• hitched a ride to genting again, with a very very nice uncle steven (whom i opened a can of worms with)
• had the world's most uncomfortable cable car ride with a family
• gambled at the casino - lady luck had an off day today :(
• had lunch at KFC genting next to the log ride and indoor roller coaster
• headed back to KL, fell fast asleep in the cab
• rested in the hotel room, then headed out for our last hurrah along Jalan Alor
• had an excellent dinner - roast pork ee mee, buttered sotong, chicken wings (with crack no less), dong fen, fried rice and xiao bai chye.
• witnessed a fight!
• headed back to the hotel 
• had the best 3minute instant porridge and beer. And honey bacon bak kwa
• goodnight KL, for the last time.

Day 4

• last day, woke up early to check out
• had great maggi goreng, roti canai and beehoon goreng
• headed out to sungei wang to do last minute shopping
• bought my vinnci shoes
• headed to Times Square for check in for the coach back
• bought 72 krispy kremes among 3 of us
• headed back to humid singapore - tired but very fulfilled.

i hearts kayel, most of all i hearts my two boys. :)

all about rock and roll.

yes, the beau's band is finally into baybeats.
after months of practising, after sessions of listening.
after weeks of writing lyrics and melodies - it has all paid off.

the beau will be standing in front of thousands, doing what he absolutely is born to do - rock out with his cock out.

and, i'm the proudest, most beeming with pride girlfriend ever.

to the beau: you deserve this, and you earned it. now go show singaporeans how the bass is played. [PDA alert - please highlight if you aren't allergic]I love you so much and think you have immense talent that should be shared. i am proud of everything that you've done, keep on doing what you're good at. you know i'm always 150% behind you. [end of PDA]

cockpit for the WIN!

all i wanna do.

i literally, have nothing to write today.
i have had nothing to write for the past month.

i guess, i've started internalizing many things - in a way it's good. in a way it's bad.
i've been smoking a lot recently, i don't know why.
i've been having thoughts of getting wasted and drunk recently, i don't recall ever wanting to this bad.
i've been wanting to stop being so cash conscious recently, but its not an option.

all i can look forward to is bangkok - where the above three options are allowed to manifest and i don't have to feel bad about it.

because it's a holiday.
and it's with three out of five of my favourite boys.
which is like 60% which isn't bad at all.

and also, what's up with all the cheating husbands? next year, the women fight back please. 

i have literally, nothing to say.

bye bye nice girl.

"IT'S FOR ONLY FOURTY DAYS." - that's the mantra i am chanting this lent - i'm giving up carbs + sugar for lent. this means no rice, bread or potatoes. no dessert or sweet drinks (though i'll still bake!). this means cranky me.

spent the day watching an awesome CSI Miami marathon. I would kill to be Horatio's wing woman. And how difficult can a CSI's job be when you have basically all the the technology that avatar has.

oh, some woman died - swab her mouth put it in some bottle and shove the bottle into a machine and nah, there's your killer!

then, with my dripping nose and chesty cough, i went for some good ol' butter chicken with the gang at swis ling. damn good, even if i couldn't taste have of it.

headed down to barnyard to catch emily's gig - let's just say the guitarist was strumming my pain with his fingers and killing me softly with his song. em was pristine though... how she didn't manage Singapore Idol is beyond me.

(ps, andrew gracia in top 24, yooza!)

finally, got the dose of L4D2 with the gang - though the beau left me dying metres away from the damn helicopter. wah lau, in the real zombie attack, i'll use my last dying breath to trip him so he would die next to me.

i'm a romantic like that.

now, i'm home, clean and still woozy from being sick.
meh, so much activities and yet so little time.

it's good to be me, i guess.

gong hei.

so chinese new year was pretty fantastic.
i got to see people that have more or less faded into the oblivion of my life.

tonight, i met up with some friends i haven't seen in a long time.
though some events startled me, it was a common comfort i find in knowing that after all the shit has settled - nothing has really changed.

we talked about mass comm - the goods and the bads, the dos and the don'ts. it made me realise what a blessing in disguise mass comm was to me. i met the best people there, experienced heartbreak, learned about the depths of the human mind and finally actually found who i really am.

yes, it's a two-faced shithole when we talked about it - tons of scandal and lies but then again, mass com defined my life in a way school couldn't.

i'm glad i was in mass comm... and i'm glad i stuck around with this bunch of people throughout.

:)

i thought of you.

Oh love. Why is your body so still, why do your muscles sing no more, why does your chest not rise and fall.

Oh love. Why is your skin so cold, why do your eyes not trace my face, why do you not get up and accept my warm embrace.

Oh love. I have no regrets for our mistakes, no heart left to break, for you have taken it with you to the grave.

Oh love. Love that turned to death, death that turned to longing, longing that turned away from me, leaving me here to bear it alone.

Oh love. Oh love. Oh my love.

 

spare change.

so i spent sunday at work - building, packing, taping and wiping.
it's all worth it.

it's one of those things which put my heart at ease that things might just be different this year.

i have a brand new workspace, something i'm proud to say i built and contributed to.
maybe, i didn't want to leave in the first place.

maybe i just needed change.

change starts from within doesn't it?

pandora.

it was worth the wait and headache.
james cameron, please make the sequel fast.

and don't michael bay it, please.

chicken little.

so it began, my once-a-month cookout with my new oven.
my dad has tasked me to cook for the family once a month since he is not the expert of ang-moh food.

enter the little 'dragon'.

so for the first session of karen's great cookout, i did a surprisingly simple roast chicken with roasted garlic mash potatoes and a herb mushroom sauce.

the chicken sitting in the oven. yummers.

recipe after the jump.