do you disappear.

but reaching out you disappeared
for real you are so very far
xandria, so you disappear.

my god.
oh my god.


i can't be here. it's a dream.
he was fine. he asked me to dapao fish porridge.
i made fun of his funny chinese accent.

three days ago he leaned across a tree and bantered about how camps change your life.
two days ago, i stood just a beach across from him at a party while he braved the jungle.
a day ago, we spoke for 10 secs so he could sleep and recover from fatigue.


if i knew that yesterday might be the last time i could hear your voice,
i would hold the line.

you have a long to do list:
there's school to go to.
there's your kids' art to mark.
i haven't given you a good grade stamp.
you and i have not gone to JB with shaun to makan
shaun has so many things he needs to say to you.
henry and you made plans this week to go kayaking.
i made plans with you to go catch forbidden chestnuts at the end of the year.
you've not paid off your loans
you've not cleaned the top of your kitchen cabinet.
you've probably have not cleaned your ashtray at the side of your bed.
videoezy dvds have to be returned.
you had a project you were doing that you wanted to tell me about.
shaun wants his silk grey tie back.
liana bought you a pair of clogs from holland.
we have plans to go to the botanical gardens this weekend


see, gab, don't u dare bail on us now.
it's not right.


i just need you to wake up.