our progress report
i'm only sure that I'm not sure
no doubt, artificial sweetener
today a ball came in,
a very nice basketball.
i had a ball of a time.
pardon the pun.
thanks everyone who prayed for and encouraged me and gab. it really warms my heart to know that i have some people to fall back on when the going gets tough. though he is gone, i know your prayers helped every step of the way.
i'm in a state of limbo. i didn't cry at the service, but my heart was aching. seeing a once strapping image of a young man succumb to the devices of nature was a little overwhelming. in our minds, humans are infallible. new disease? find a cure. lost a limb? join the special olympics.
losing some one you are so close to is paralysing. by fear and by physicality. i sometimes expect a call from him at 4 thinking he has just finished marking his artwork. i go to sleep and automatically want to msg a good night to him. then it hits me that he is not able to communicate to me. he's not able to touch or speak.
and then there's the overwhelming vunerablity you incur. he was my protector and now he collapsed before my eyes and wilted away like autumn leaves. beautiful but sad in a way.
i miss him, terribly at times, feverishly most of the time. i wasn't prepared. for anything of this sort. and the fact that i can go on with my life irks me and guilts me. i wondered why i haven't cried. why i haven't called out to him. why i haven't seen times where i cannot go on without him.
think i've been faking it all this while. sorry gab.
