love is the answer

And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy,
And sometimes life can be deceiving,
I'll tell you one thing:
its always better when we're together

better together, jack johnson

my brother is now officially married.
i'm so happy for my brother. extremely happy. i'm happy he found someone so perfect for him. i'm happy that his wedding went without a single hiccup and that i was relieved to see my brother genuinely happy.

he smiled, from day to night, non stop. i've never seen my brother so happy before. apart from the day he got engaged, he hasn't smiled so wide before. and she, my sis in law, was gorgeous, and very happy too.

they were made for each other.
you can just tell from the smiles illuminating from their faces.



i'm too lazy to load up all the photos, i promise soon!

as selfish as this might sound, i miss my brother.

today, i came home to him surrounded by boxes. he was packing the last of his things to move to his new place. my sis in law was folding some clothes into a big bag, he was shoving his computer into a box.

then, he said, "so this is the last night i'll be here."

it hit me. this is the last night.

you know, i was prepping myself for this day for the longest time. since 2weeks ago when i suddenly realised that he would be away from the house, i began mentally preparing myself.

the song playing in the background of his room, was Better Together by Jack Johnson.
it is really better when we're together.

for 21 years, he was just a wall away from me. and he would be there, on his computer, hidden behind a clothes rack. we don't talk much at home but, just knowing he is physically there for me is more than enough comfort i need.

for 21 years, every fight, hug or conversation we had was never restricted by time. we could talk all night, or all day not worrying that we had to return back to where we were suppose to be.

for 21 years, he was my brother.
now, he's a husband. in time to come, he'll be a father.

i've not come to terms with my brother not being around all the time. i know i've got to grow up. it's not like he passed away or moved to another country. technically, he's an hour away. but that's 59mins 57secs further than usual.

it just takes time to get use to. i know he deserves this. and i, one day, will have to move out away from my parents. my mom's so stoic. she's pretending it doesn't bother her.

but i know, she's so affected by it, she went to sleep early so she didn't have to see my brother pack. come on lah, my mom cried when my brother went to tekong for BMT. (haha!)

anyway, tmrw, there'll be more missing going on, pardon me if i seem a little more down then usual. it's tough to come home to no one to call kor.

just want to say this very simply to my brother:

i love you kor, and it's hard to know that you'll not be around for me as much as you have been these past 21 years.

from willingly sheltering me from jason and wyane's football throws when i was 3 (he still has scars from that incident)
to walking in the rain the other day so i could use your jacket to keep dry, i'm grateful for every ridculous thing you ever done. (even for buying me neon green nail polish when i asked for pastel colours. heh.)

and i know you'll always be there, in a split second, you will be next to me. not that i will call you every five mins, i know your limits.

i'll get use to the lack of top gear updates, and lack of free music. i'll get use to not fighting over the last bottle of yakult. i'll even get use to not finding my cd's in your room.

yes, we're better together, but we'll do great apart too.

i wish you everything good in this world, not because it's the right thing to do.
but because you deserve everything good in this world.

i love you kor, and will always be your little sister.

with unconditional love,
karen :)

unwell.

it's a disease.
i spent 5 hours finding album art.


heh.

snap it up.

bubblegum nation by me.


A change of speed, a change of style.
A change of scene, with no regrets,
A chance to watch, admire the distance,
Still occupied, though you forget.

new dawn fades, joy division.

i spent the entire saturday photographing.
ENTIRE. with kev and kenneth.
and eventually mer and victor.

i forgot how much pleasure i get from the sound and shake of the shutter.


it's incredible how colours and composition can move.

i wish every saturday can be like that, but we all know i'm just to lazy to keep it up to speed. soon, i'll also be too broke to develop my films and such.

edit: arthur has agreed to lend me his LCA. you can't see it but i am doing a victory dance that will make all 300 spartan warriors blush.

these are only the ones that were taken with the trusty hp.
just for kicks.

from church to park

coming up, photos from the holga 120CFN and nikon N-401.


now, next step:
sustain the passion.

old school is not new school.

"graduation" by ~jennee, deviantart.

Seen on the Straits Times Forum, 16th May 2008:
Universities should be clearer about entry criteria

"CREDIT must be given to the Ministry of Education and the institutes of higher learning for being forthcoming in releasing application figures for places in our local universities.
The number shows the enthusiasm of our young in pursuing higher education.

It would be ideal if every student who meets the minimum entry requirement can be admitted to a local university. This is particularly so for A-level students who chose to study for another two years after their O levels only to find that they now have to compete with polytechnic graduates for admission to a varsity.

I am not against diploma holders pursuing a degree. Indeed, if they are capable, they should further their studies later and get a postgraduate degree.

But based on reports last year, 32 per cent of university applicants were polytechnic diploma holders.

This being so, I feel that universities should spell out clearly their criteria for admission.

If the criteria are aimed only at picking the best from each group, that is, A-level graduates and polytechnic diploma holders, this should be made known to O-level graduates early so that students in school can make informed decisions about whether to pursue a diploma first or to continue with their A levels.

If resources permit, our polytechnics can work with foreign universities to confer degrees on their deserving graduates.

In this way, we can free up more places for A-level graduates in our local universities without some having to resort to going overseas to pursue their degrees.

By Patrick Sio"

###

a bit too much right, Mr. Sio?

Recently, a 14 year old secondary student who is local complained about how foreign students were stealing top spots from local students due to their 'motivation to please their parents' and 'being older than her'.

I say, enough. Firstly on Mr. Sio. With all due respect, I think you are having a rather superficial view. A university degree, especially one from local university carries weight in our ever changing economical and global climate. True, My Paper carried a report about how employers are more inclined to experience, but in the end, it's that piece of laminated paper that gets your foot in the door. Now, the bare minimum is a diploma, and even then, to survive in our expensive world, its tight.

With the paper chase being so adamant in our society, why shouldn't JC kids get more dibs? Yes, A Level students are loosing out in terms of experience at the end of 2 years because they only graduate with an A Level cert compared to a poly diploma. A poly student is ready to be and can be employed in a respectable job while A Levelers aren't very sort after. This isn't kindergarten.

But think about this, Mr. Sio: what makes an A Leveler more deserving of the degree than a poly student? Is it because he or she spent '2 years' studying FOR uni? Is it because a poly student took a more specialised approach to education since he or she knew what she wanted to do in life? What makes a JC student more deserving?

What makes a JC student better than a poly grad?

The reason for your view is because you see poly grads as "already graduates". why rob JC students who have don't have any certification? Poly student deserve just as much as JC students to get into the uni for the pure reason that it is simply harder to go through admissions. We have to not only be in the top percentile, but be consistent for 3 years (compared to just the alevels for JC), have a sparkling record, juggle projects upon lecturers AND as if that's not enough, we still have to be scrutinised by the public for being the "not so smart o levelers'.

I am an example. I had 12 points (R5) for my O Levels. It was enough for me to get into a JC. Not only did I understand the route poly will lead me (harder to get a degree) but despite of that, i chose that route anyway because i knew what i wanted to be. Call it far sighted, call it ambitious, but that's what poly students are.

We're not just a bunch of people who didn't do well enough and got to get stuck in poly. My course, or in fact many other courses require points that can get any applicant to JC. In my course, most of my classmates had between 9 - 15 (R5) for their O's. yet we're still here.

Also, it is onus on the O leveler to find out route he or she can take. There should be an ideal route, and a what-if route. At that age, future planning should already be cultivated, there shouldn't be a need for any Governmental statement to think about what you want to be and do.

To the A Levelers, if you feel as if you are being threatened, then work harder. Competition is the key to survival in our society. We Singaporeans are getting more and more complacent, and think simply by stirring some emotions, they can get what they want. Please, it's a dog eat dog world out there. If you don't put it up a notch, someone else is going to.

In the end, it's jobs and money we all want. Can't we just compete civilly in education so everyone can improve together? There is nothing wrong with private or overseas unis. More and more Australian, Britain and American uni's coming to Singapore to start a campus and there is nothing wrong with that. Yes, fees are slightly more expensive but if it's really "EDUCATION" you are harping about then this shouldn't be a problem.

Lastly, to that local girl who claimed foreign students are taking away top spots, i will be harsh and say: Grow Up. Just give the foreign students a break. They are away from the comfort and proximity from home, they are here to gain an education because back where they were, it is not as simple as our education system. They are here because they think we are good if not the best. Be happy that they are here, and you know, if you were smart enough, you would work with them and not against them.

Singapore, not everything is about winning. Sometimes you need to lose, hit rock bottom in order to succeed.

i never, ever regretted not going to JC, even though i know my mom is still disappointed in me for not going. Because I chose the path that i wanted, and I never looked back. I got rejected from local unis, and since it was the education i wanted, i enrolled into a private one.


See, competition is healthy.
except when China is hosting it. The earthquake, the Olympic conspiracy... who said "8" was a lucky number for the chinese?

lousy friend.

"on a lonely day by Sophie0305, deviantart

"But we have received a sign, Edith - a mysterious sign. A miracle has happened on this farm... in the middle of the web there were the words 'Some Pig'... we have no ordinary pig."

"Well", said Mrs. Zuckerman, "it seems to me you're a little off. It seems to me we have no ordinary spider.

"Oh, no," said Zuckerman. "It's the pig that's unusual. It says so, right there in the middle of the web."

Charlotte's Web by E.B. White

it's strange how we lose track of what we set to do.
it's strange we don't notice things around us as well.
it's even more strange that we notice things that really don't mean anything.

it's human, naturally, to want more 'me' time then 'them' time. it's human and perfectly normal to be distinterested in others and see your life as a fragment of a hollywood movie. emotionally charged and action packed.

and when others don't see the "problem" like you do, it hurts because u know there's something wrong. but the others claim self-indulgence on your part. and they move on before you can figure out what's going on.

why is it that sometimes, i feel myself blocking out problems of others that seem significantly less than mine? why do i roll my eyes at genuine concerns of other people that are in fact, in their little bubble, problems.

fuck, i feel like such an idiot. not because i ignored.

but because i chose not to care.

i've been there, where your problems seem less then the world's plight. which is why i hate burdening people. everyone has their pain right, deal with it.

but what if you can't deal with it? what if, the only way to deal with it, is to leech on?

wah lau, i hate myself right now because after all the shit i say,
in the end, i still need you.