//ode to the lost//

i heard some stories about this.

broken friendships that once lasted for eons. i read about how friends just disappear into the thin air and how both parties just dissolved each other out of their lives. how once cannot-live-without-you relationships turn into pure concidences by the side of the road. where 3 weeks in advance shopping trips turn into sheer chance meetings at the great singapore sale.

and i'm so ashamed to say, i'm a player in that story.

reading char's blog about you, just brought back some horrible memories of why we became silent parts of each other's lives. it also reminded me of all the times we fell back laughing in your room. and it also reminded me of the times we decked in our sunday best and spent the lazy afternoons just basking in each other.

i miss you girl, but there's so much a friend can take. there's a limit on how much yearning a person can feel before they go completely numb. i would kill to see you in church again. i think if i could carry you all they way from where you live to church, i would.

it's not that i'm still mad at you. disappointment is too weak a word. anger is too strong. i'm in between hating you for leaving us for your passion and the proudness i have for you to finally reach that passion.

you are a beautiful and talented dancer. you have no idea how much pride i have when i tell my friends about how versatile you are, how many turns u can do and how much you mean to me. i guess if you can hang with your new friends, you could have the decency to come and say hi to us.

i understand that our friendship has come down to just sudden meetings at clubs and occasional thoughts of you passing through my mind. i have to say that i have come to terms with not having you around. just simply because you are not here anymore. you just disappeared from my life and all i have left are these sudden moments of you and our pictures.

i don't want to resort seeing you in pictures. i really really want to see you in flesh, moving and breathing. i'm sure char wants to be able to throw a bear hug at you. i'm positive that nick was beaming with pride when you waltzed in to his gig and i'm so sure that rus and nneth miss you from time to time.

after all that's said and done, there's just one more thing.

our friendship is not lost. but i think i might have lost you.